


Lightweight

by PhenixFleur



Series: Dipper's Guide to Dating a Dream Demon [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Bill being an asshole, Bill is a bad drunk, Dipper is patient as fuck, Human Bill Cipher, Intoxication, M/M, Older Dipper Pines, What else is new, assumption that there is a bar in Gravity Falls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 18:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3619857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhenixFleur/pseuds/PhenixFleur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper didn't plan on having to drag his currently wasted demon boyfriend home from a bar with him yelling in his ear the entire time, so naturally he winds up dragging his wasted demon boyfriend home from a bar with him yelling in his ear the entire time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lightweight

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how or why this one happened. Older/Adult Dipper (at least old enough to drink), Imprinting-continuity following Bill moving into the Mystery Shack on a part to full-time basis. Originally posted on Tumblr.
> 
> There's nothing wrong with being a lightweight. :P

"HEY." The demon’s voice exploded directly into his ear with all the subtlety of a megaphone; Dipper winced. "Hello, Bill."

"CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

There was literally no way short of suddenly becoming completely deaf that he couldn’t hear him, and it was with gritted teeth that Dipper responded, with the perfect amount of restraint, “Yeah man. Everyone can hear you.”

Dragging a wasted dream demon home from the only bar in Gravity Falls was not how he’d planned on spending his Saturday night, or any other night given that wasted Bill Cipher was apparently  _the worst kind_  of drunk, but also because his current state of intoxication prevented him from simply teleporting them back to the Shack. The night had started out rather pleasantly, with an actual date instead of battling semi-Eldritch abominations in the woods (not that he was complaining), and while strolling along the street trying to figure out where to go next they’d noticed the bar. The small, dimly lit place was the textbook definition of a hole in the wall, and Dipper was kidding when he joked about stopping for a beer or two. 

He should have known not to joke with Bill. 

His stupid demon boyfriend shuffled along beside him, with his arms awkwardly looped around Dipper’s neck, continuing to disregard the concept of volume control. “OKAY CAUSE I WASN’T SURE YOU COULD HEAR ME.”

"I can definitely hear you." 

"ARE YOU SURE?"

"Yes, Bill. I can hear you."

He guessed that somewhere along the line he’d forgotten that Bill’s human form would have limitations that his didn’t, at least in some cases. Dipper didn’t drink very often so his tolerance was nothing to write home about, but it was at least better than Bill’s given that the demon had only managed one and about three quarters of the second bottle before losing his balance and laughing uproariously while Dipper hastily paid their tab and ushered him out before he started setting things on fire or summoning screaming heads or opening portals to the abyss. 

"I told you I could do the thing," Bill bragged, and Dipper could imagine the shit-eating grin on his face without even having to look up at him. 

"You did," he deadpanned. "That was an impressive two drinks you made it through."

"Everything I do is impressive!" He wasn’t shouting anymore, but he was still far louder than he should have been; Dipper was glad they’d made it to the path in the woods leading back to the Mystery Shack. 

As aggravated as he was, Dipper had to smile at that. “Because you’re a being of pure energy with no weaknesses?”

"Damn  _straight_.” Dipper raised an eyebrow, but decided not to ask him where he’d picked that one up from. It wasn’t as bad as some of the English vernacular he’d began employing the use of at often inappropriate times. 

Speaking of inappropriate, he stopped walking outright as his  _stupid demon boyfriend_  leaned in closer to actually run his tongue over the shell of his left ear; he told himself that the ensuing shudder was entirely involuntary. “Does that turn you on, Pine Tree?” 

"Oh my god." Dipper buried his face in his hands. "Next time I’m cutting you off at one." 

It took a few minutes to convince Bill to avoid molesting him until they got home, after which Dipper picked up the pace — not out of anticipation, but because Bill was progressing through the various stages of drunk at an alarmingly rapid pace. He fell silent for awhile after a good ten minutes straight of describing, in vivid detail, everything he planned to do to Dipper once they got back (Dipper doubted he’d be able to follow through on any of it). 

It wasn’t a bad night. Early summer, not too hot, pleasantly balmy, with the crickets serenading them as they made their way along the path illuminated by the soft glow of a full moon overhead. His irritation slowly melted away, and Dipper decided it wasn’t a bad note to end it on.

"Am I pretty?"

Oh no.

"I want to be pretty. For you."

Dipper sighed. He should have seen the weepy phase approaching from a mile away. “Yes, Bill. You’re pretty.”

"Really?"

"Yes."

There was a shortcut through a wooded area, and Dipper steered the drunken dream demon past the treeline, holding on to his hand while leading him along and praising the powers that be that he still had excellent motor control. 

"I just…" There was something resembling a sob in the demon’s voice. "I love you. Like, if you ever died, I’d burn this entire town to the ground because its existence would be meaningless without you."

Dipper stopped walking again, mulling over this in his head. It wasn’t the most disturbing declaration of devotion he’d heard from his significant other, and it was sweet in a way (as long as he disregarded the notion of mass homicide and property destruction on his behalf.) “That’s really disturbing, but I love you too.” He leaned against the demon, ducking his head to hide his smile. “Please don’t become an arsonist.”

Taking advantage of the situation, Bill laughed, tackling him and bowling him over into a patch of soft, springy grass. “What the-“The demon curled around him, purring like a cat. “You’re warm. And cuddly. Cuddly tree.” 

Dipper rolled his eyes. “You’re worse than Mabel.” He allowed himself to relax, with Bill’s hair tickling his chin. The demon seemingly didn’t intend to let him up anytime soon, so he resigned himself to the inevitable. “I guess we’re spending the night in the woods.” It wasn’t the first time, nor would it be the last. “We’ve really got to work on your tolerance, man. This is kinda sad.”

"Oh, I’m not intoxicated."

What. 

Dipper sat up, looking down at him incredulously. “What?”

Bill grinned; a vexing,  _shit-eating_  grin.  ”I’m perfectly sober.”

"…what."

The demon released his grip on him long enough to sit up as well — then immediately latched onto him once again. “This isn’t a normal human body, remember? It would probably take enough of that disgusting beverage to kill you for me to feel  _any_  effects from it.”

Dipper narrowed his eyes, glaring at him. “I just dragged you out of a bar and halfway back to the Shack yelling like a  _jackass_. What do you mean you’re not drunk??”

Bill shrugged. “I was faking it.” He leaned in close once more, whispering into his ear mischievously. “You’re cute when you’re irritated.”

Dipper groaned. “You…you’re  _such_  an asshole.”

"I love you too, Pine Tree!" The demon said cheerfully; and then his voice took on that husky quality that sorta made Dipper forget all about being mad. "And yes, we’re spending the night in the woods." His tongue flicked against his ear again, and then Dipper really did forget about being mad. 

Yeah. Definitely not a bad note to end the night on. 


End file.
